My life has been “interesting”, or that’s what quite a few of my friends have said. Followed by “You should write a book.”
One day I started to do exactly that: but after I had written 30 odd pages I thought “Why am I doing this?” and stopped.
I shredded the copy I had printed and deleted all online copies. None exist anywhere now, I destroyed the computer hard drive when my computer packed up and was replaced.
A friend of mine calls herself a survivor thriver. Which I believe also applies to myself, for different reasons to hers. Different people: different past experiences.
There were plenty of challenging experiences in my past. Some were global, some were personal. Starting from when I was less than 5 years old. I was born in 1947, so history will tell you about the various global ones. My personal ones I don’t need to describe, except in that they were challenging and there were many of them.
I went through the normal emotions and reactions to these: anxiety, panic, worry, grief, anger….
This was years before I found the Gupta Program and in the early stages of my developing amygdala challenges. When I wrote my back story I was ill and unable to work any more so I had some time to do it.
Now I know I was venting all my past experiences, and now I also know it wasn’t doing me any good. I was getting more ill with the CFS etc.
How could that be happening, when I thought I was getting rid of it all by writing it down?
Venting past experiences like that reinforced the belief that I needed to fight them, to battle through life’s ups and downs. And my amygdala set that in motion each time I wrote any, sending out messages to my body to “keep on pumping out adrenaline and cortisol, to fuel the battle” or words to that effect.
And so the cycle continued. It became the spiral which Ashok describes.
But it works both ways, because by writing, speaking, thinking, more positively and more solution-based, my recovery flourished. A positive spiral helping me to heal.
Not only that:
Having been forced to stop working aged 53 due to CFS, I was later diagnosed with Fibromyalgia as well. (With the added challenges of hypersensitivity to chemicals, smells, various foodstuffs, bright light, noise, etc.)
10 years later I found the Gupta Program and started my recovery. Wanting to pay back some small part of what I owe the Gupta Program I later volunteered to be a moderator in the Facebook Gupta Forum.